There were good days. Better days. But they seem so far away, now that Hemp has spent so much of her free time smoking dope, eating Funions, and playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time for the 53rd time through.
Since she turned to grass, she’s become every major stoner stereotype portrayed in popular culture and anti-smoking public safety announcements. She even became an egg, once, just to crack herself up while watching Home Improvement, scramble up the yolk, and turn to her friend to say, “This is your brain on drugs. And it’s awwwwesome.” It was a much funnier joke when she said it in her brain twelve times before speaking it out loud.
But that’s just the status quo with her now. Hemp used to swim in the same pool as Michael Phelps. She was an all-pro downhill skier two years running in high school, a member of the Chess Team, and she had the lead role in the school production of Reefer Madness. But then she actually succumbed to reefer madness and became a flat pancake pseudo-girl who hangs out on the couch with poor special effects. Turns out D.A.R.E wasn’t as effective as we all thought. Maybe if they handed out more free stickers…
The Truth About HEMP
- Hemp very well may be the oldest cloth known to history, with artifacts found that date back to ancient Rome
- Hemp seeds have a great variety of nutritional use, including the ability to be made into “hemp Milk”
- not altogether unlike soy milk
- Hemp oil has anti-inflammatory medical properties